Right ho, Merlin!
by lighthouse11
Summary: Lord Arthur, future Earl of Albion, lives a peaceful existance in London with his valet Merlin. When Arthur goes home to Camelot House at the request of his sister Lady Morgana, he finds that he's not the only one spending some time there.
1. Chapter 1

**I do not own Merlin, its characters or the characters/style of PG Wodehouse.**

XXX

"Ah! What ho, Merlin!" Arthur said, propping himself up in bed, as his valet Merlin came in carrying his breakfast.

"Good morning, sir. There's a telegram on the tray for you." Merlin said, placing the tray across Arthur's lap.

Arthur unfolded it and read:

_Arthur, come to Camelot House at once. Regards, Morgana._

Arthur sighed. Could his sister not go for more than two months without his presence? He certainly did not wish to be whisked away from London at this time of year.

"Merlin, have a telegram sent to Morgana reading; _Can't. Very busy. Much love, Arthur."_

"Lady Morgana wishes for you to go to Camelot House again, sir?"

"Yes, and damit, Merlin, I refuse to be at her beck-and-call whenever she wants me. And I'll be lunching in today, although I have to pop out this morning."

"Very good, sir."

XXX

When Arthur returned later that day for lunch, there was another telegram. Arthur read it.

_You are never busy you lazy sod. Morgause is back. Get here at once. Love, Morgana._

To which Arthur sent the reply.

_If she's there, then I'm not. Terribly sorry, prior engagements in London. Not coming. Love lots, Arthur._

Arthur was almost finished the wonderful lunch Merlin had prepared (credit where credit's due, Arthur thought), when another telegram arrived.

_Look Arthur, get yourself up here at once. I can't do all this on my own. Move yourself this instant. Cancel engagements. Love always, Morgana._

Arthur sighed. "Merlin, you don't have any sisters, do you?" he asked.

"No, I do not, sir."

"Well would you like any? Because I've got two I'm more than happy to give away. And send to Morgana: _Listen darling sister, I have got a life and my own things to do here in London. Not popping up to C.H. whenever it suits you. Loving brother, Arthur._

"Very good, sir."

"And I won't be back for dinner, either." Arthur told Merlin. "I need to avoid Morgana's blasted telegrams."

"As you wish, sir."

XXX

Arthur arrived home at ten that evening, after a lovely evening out. Morgana just didn't understand how important his engagements in London were. Maybe he should try and get her a husband. Then she'd have something to do other than worry about him, Morgause and their father.

"Another telegram, sir." Merlin said, after Arthur had removed his coat, hat and gloves.

"Honestly Morgana…" Arthur said and read it.

_Arthur Pendragon you WILL get yourself to C.H. at once. Need you for numbers. Would you really refuse your darling sister? And I can't afford to keep sending you 100 telegrams, so just do as I ask. Much love, Morgana. PS: Gwen is here._

At reading the post-script, Arthur's mind was made up.

"Merlin!" he called. Merlin appeared.

"Yes sir?"

"When is the first train that will get us to Camelot House in the morning?"

"I believe there is a 9:50, sir."

"Good. Well, we shall be on it."

"Very good, sir."

"Send to Morgana: _Will be on first morning train. Love always, Arthur."_

"Yes, sir. May I enquire why you have had a change of heart in regards to responding to your sisters wishes?"

"You may enquire, and the reason is that although Morgause is back at Camelot House, Gwen is there too." Arthur smiled, his heart fluttering. No girl had ever made his heart flutter more than Gwen…

"Yes, sir."

"You say 'yes, sir' as though you knew Gwen was there."

"I was of that information, sir." Merlin said.

"Well why didn't you tell me then? And how did you know?"

"I did not realise that you were so keen to know the whereabouts of Miss Gwen, sir. And she is a long-time friend of Lady Morgana, and a frequent visitor to Camelot House."

"Really?" Arthur asked. He had never really kept up with who Morgana's friends were. He knew that she and Gwen were acquaintances, but for Gwen to be staying as a _friend_…

"Yes sir, they were at school together too."

"Goodness, Merlin, you're knowledge never ceases to amaze me. Well, I must go and get my eight-hours, especially if we're heading off to the blast country-side in the morning."

"Very good, sir. I will be in with your tea shortly."

"Very good, Merlin."


	2. Chapter 2

Arthur and Merlin arrived at Camelot House shortly after lunchtime. It was a beautiful day, with hardly a cloud in the sky. Morgana had sent a man around to pick them up from the station, and she was there to greet them at the front door when they got to the house.

"What ho, Morgana, dear thing!" Arthur greeted his sister, and kissed her on the cheek.

"What ho, Arthur, dear. Hello Merlin."

"Good afternoon, miss." Merlin said, and carried on taking the bags inside.

"Glorious afternoon, what?" Arthur said.

"Very much so." Morgana replied.

"Well, then, where is everyone?" Arthur asked. The house seemed rather quiet for all the inhabitants that should be there.

"Father is upstairs taking a nap…"

"So father has no intention of kicking the bucket yet, then?"

"No this season I don't suppose, no." Morgana said, and then continued. "Gaius is in the library…"

"Ah! So he's here looking after father?" Arthur asked. Dr Gregory Guston, or Gaius as he'd always been called by those in the Pendragon household, was their physician, and often took care of their father.

"Yes, something to that regard. Morgause is in the conservatory…"

"So stay clear of there, then? Is she still courting with that Welsh fellow?"

"Mr Cenred? No, and I think that's why she's been in such a foul mood since she returned. I dare not ask her for exact details, but apparently she told him in not too specific terms where to go, how to get there and what to do once he arrived."

"Oh dear, so it was a serious spat then, not just some little lovers quarrel?"

"Yes, it appears to be quite serious." Morgana said. "Now let me continue and stop interrupting or I'll never get through everyone! Leon and Gwaine wandered into town as soon as they finished lunch. I'm surprised you didn't pass them on your way up…"

"Leon and Gwaine are here?" Arthur asked. Leon and Gwaine were two of his dearest old chums from school. He'd been at Prep school with Leon, and Eton and Oxford with both of them.

"Yes, the Albion Races are this weekend, and both wish to attend, and what with father being the Earl of Albion, it makes perfect sense for them to stay here. They arrived two nights ago." The Albion Races! How silly of Arthur to forget they were on! "And Gwen is in the garden with Lancelot." Morgana concluded.

"Lancelot!" Arthur exclaimed. Whereas Gwaine and Leon were his closest mates, Lancelot might be best described as his biggest rival. Lancelot had been at Westminster, then Cambridge, and the boys had competed against each other in many sporting competitions. But now he was _here_, at Camelot House? In the garden? With _Gwen_?

"He's here in the garden with Gwen?" Arthur asked.

"Yes, that is what I said dummy, unless you're going deaf." Morgana said. "I believe he's taken quite a liking to Gwen too." She teased.

"Is there anyone else here that I should know about?" Arthur asked. How dare Morgana invite Lancelot! This was an outrage!

"No, that's all." Morgana smiled sweetly. "I fear we haven't the rooms for any more."

"No I should jolly well hope not!" Arthur said. "What's Lancelot doing here anyway? To woo Gwen?"

"No, silly, he's here for the races too. Apparently one of his own horses are running. Besides, his father is an old friend of our own, and I couldn't refuse him accommodation. Now come on inside, we must look quite silly standing in the doorway of our own home."

Arthur followed his sister into the entrance hall.

"I best go supervise Merlin unpack, or he hides all my things in the most ridiculous places." Arthur said.

"Very well." Morgana smiled. "Remember tea's at 4:30 and supper's at 8. Do see Morgause before then. And do be civil to Lancelot, especially once Gwaine and Leon return." She said and winked, disappearing into the drawing room.

Arthur trudged up the stairs. He couldn't let Lancelot win Gwen's heart, or let Lancelot's horse win at the Albion Races. Or get stuck in the same room, alone, with Morgause. It looked like this would be a very interesting stay at Camelot House indeed.


	3. Chapter 3

For the rest of the afternoon, Arthur was able to avoid his family, but also unfortunately never had time alone with Gwen. At 7:30, after dressing for dinner, he went downstairs for drinks. When entering the parlour, he realised he was the last to arrive, with all the other house-guests already there.

"What ho, Morgana, dear!" he said, going and greeting his favourite sister first. He caught Gwen's eye, but she quickly turned away, Arthur noticing a certain pink blush appearing on her cheeks.

Morgana grinned, champagne in hand. "Evening, Arthur, dear. I was just telling darling Morgause that she really should try some of the bubbly. She needs to _lighten up_ a little." Morgana grinned. Arthur assumed that the champagne Morgana was holding was not her first for the evening.

Arthur turned to Morgause. "What ho, old flesh-and-blood." He said and kissed her on the cheek. Morgause just scowled.

"Don't address me in such an informal way, Arthur." She said, rather bitterly.

"I hear you and old Cenred had a bit of a row. Just a small lovers spat, I assume?" Arthur asked, deciding that it was probably best to get this nasty business out of the way first.

"If I ever see John Cenred again I will promptly stab him square in the chest with whatever utensils are at hand."

"Oh dear, I see it's quite serious then." Arthur said, seeing that the situation was indeed quite serious. Morgause's word was not something to be taken lightly.

"Morgause would happily raise an army and storm Cenred's house, razing it to the ground." Morgana said, dancing around. Morgause looked as though she could strangle her younger sister, and probably her brother too.

"So what was the whole thing about, then?" Arthur asked.

"I don't see how it's any of your business!" Morgause snapped and stalked off, sitting down to brood in an armchair. No one would dare approach her.

Arthur ignored her behaviour. Morgause could be like that.

"Told you she was in a foul mood. She's been like that since she arrived." Morgana said in his ear, swaying slightly.

"Well you weren't wrong, dear Morgana." Arthur said. Morgana nodded.

Arthur looked around. Everyone seemed to have a refreshment but him. Where on earth had Merlin got to?

"Is there anything I can get you, sir?" Merlin's sudden appearance made Arthur jump.

"Merlin! I've told you not to sneak up on me like that!"

"Yes, sir."

"Find me some of whatever Morgana's having." Arthur said, gesturing towards his sister who was now in having an extremely animated conversation with Gwaine and Leon.

"Very good, sir."

"And find out the seating plan for dinner." Arthur needed to prepare himself in case he was seated near, well, almost anyone but Gwen.

"I am already aware of the seating plan, sir."

"Really?" Arthur asked. Merlin sometimes truly amazed him.

"Yes, sir."

"Well then?" And there other times that Merlin seemed as thick as a post.

"You will be seated with Miss Gwen to your right, sir."

Arthur smiled. "Very good Merlin." He said, when he noticed that Merlin probably hadn't finished. "But?" he asked.

"The Lady Morgause is to your left, sir."

"What?" Arthur said, stunned. He pulled Merlin aside. "Merlin, I'm guessing you saw her just now, and she'll probably rip my head off if I have to sit next to her for dinner? Who was stupid enough to put me next to her, anyway?"

"I believe that Lady Morgana made the seating arrangements, sir."

"And where's she sitting then?"

"Well, sir, your father is at the head of the table, with Lady Morgause to his right, and Lady Morgana to his left. Sir Leon is next to Lady Morgana, followed by the Hon. Gwaine. You, of course, sir, are next to the Lady Morgause, followed by Miss Gwen, then Mr Lancelot, sir."

"What? Lancelot's next to Gwen too?"

"Yes sir. I believe that is what I just said, sir."

"Merlin, you are to change the arrangement at once!"

"I'm afraid I cannot, sir. Lady Morgana was quite persistent that that was how the arrangement was to be. She said that there was an unfortunate lack of ladies to make even numbers, but she believes she's done the table the best she could."

Arthur looked around. No wonder Morgana was going through champagne like it was going out of fashion. Sitting opposite Morgause was almost as bad as being next to her. "Merlin, I feel I shall need something a bit stronger than what Morgana is having after all."

"Very good, sir."


	4. Chapter 4

When Merlin brought Arthur his breakfast in bed the next morning, he also delivered a message.

"I have a message for you, sir."

"Well, what is it then, Merlin?"

"Lady Morgana wishes to see you in the Library as soon as you are ready. She said it is of the upmost importance and if you're not there by 10 o'clock, she will come and drag you down."

"Were those her exact words, Merlin?"

"It was very close to, sir."

"What's the time now, Merlin?"

"It's currently 9:30 sir. I believe that gives you just enough time to breakfast and dress, sir."

"Right ho, Merlin."

"Very good, sir."

XXX

At 9:59, Arthur sauntered into the library, where he saw Morgana sitting behind the desk, which was covered in papers.

"What ho, dear sister."

"Morning Arthur. One more minute and I would of come and dragged you down here."

"Yes, Merlin informed me of that."

"Did he? Well, very good then."

"So? Why have you had me forced down here, then? It's a lovely day, and I believe Leon and Gwaine are planning a spot of tennis before lunch, which I wouldn't mind joining."

"Never mind about your sporting ambitions." Morgana said, "I need help with the seating plans for Saturday night."

"You dragged me down from London four days early to help you with seating arrangements?" Arthur asked. "Besides, it's only Wednesday, surely it can wait."

"I need to do it now, because the final confirmation of numbers came in this morning's post. There'll be 17 of us here dining Saturday night, with most coming down just for the races that day."

"17!" Arthur exclaimed. "Does the table even seat that many?"

"Of course it does fat-head. Ok," Morgana said, picking up the guest list, " so there are us three, you, myself and Morgause of course, plus father and Gaius, Gwen and Elyan, Leon and Gwaine, Lancelot, Uncle Tristan, Percy Wickham, Dr Harry Hardwick, Sir Geoffrey, Lord Olaf and his daughter Lady Elaine and Cousin Alexandra."

It took Arthur a moment to take in all of the names Morgana had just spewed out. Elyan, was, of course, Gwen's brother, Percy Wickham was another old school chum, Uncle Tristan was their deceased mother's brother, Sir Geoffrey was some old fossil who was grandfather's uncle or something to that regard, Lord Olaf and his daughter Lady Elaine were far from being Arthur's favourite house guests, old Lord O. had a habit of falling asleep if he so much as smelt an alcoholic beverage and Lady Elaine was only bearable in the smallest of doses, vis. 2 minutes maximum. That left Dr Harry Hardwick, whom Arthur had never heard of, and Cousin Alexandra.

"So who's this Dr Harry, chap, then?"

"You don't know him?"

"No."

"He went to Eton."

"Contrary to popular belief, I don't know everyone who ever went to Eton ever."

"True. He was probably in his last year there when you were in your last year at Prep school. He's the son of Lord Chester, who's an old friend of father."

"Lord Chester from Norfolk?"

"That's the one."

"Didn't know he had a son."

"He does."

"There you go."

"Yes, now where to seat everyone. With only five ladies and twelve gentlemen, it does make it rather difficult."

"You mentioned Cousin Alexandra was coming."

"Yes."

"What in heaven or earth possessed you to invite her?" Arthur exclaimed. Lady Alexandra Nimueh was far from being Arthur's favourite person. In fact, he's probably rather spend the afternoon with Morgause than her. 'Cousin Alexandra', as she was called, was hardly their actual cousin either. More like their father's cousin's cousin's cousin or something, but they'd always called her Cousin Alexandra regardless.

"She asked me, and I couldn't just say 'no'." Morgana said.

"Yes you could!"

"No I couldn't."

"Yes you – oh never mind. But I refuse to be seated next to her."

"That's ok, I was thinking of putting her next to Morgause, and the two of them could battle it out. Jolly fun to watch, that would be." Morgana smiled.

It's wasn't an all-bad idea either. As Morgause and Cousin Alexandra were the closest in age, as children, they'd always been expected to be good friends, when in fact there was hardly a time when one or both of them didn't end up in tears, with them pulling each other's hair or stealing their dolls, or whatever it was little girls do to make each other cry.  
>"You can't <em>actually<em> do that though, can you? Put them next to each other, I mean." Arthur asked.

"No, I'm afraid not. This is what I was thinking, going clock-wise, from the top of the table:  
>Father, me, Gwaine, Sir Leon, Elyan, Lady Elaine, Lord Olaf, Sir Geoffrey, Gaius, Uncle Tristan at the far end, Cousin Alexandra, Percy, Lancelot, Gwen, you, Morgause and finally, Harry."<p>

Arthur thought about this. Although he didn't like that Lancelot was next to Gwen, he was too. He was also nowhere near Cousin Alexandra and a suitable distance from Lady Elaine. But why was this Dr. Harry next to Morgause? "Why is this Doctor Harry next to Morgause, old thing?" Arthur asked Morgana.

His sister just gave a very cheeky smile. "Morgause needs a bit of –cheering up."

Morgana was match-making. That was all that Arthur needed. He could see now that his sister was just bored and didn't need his help at all. She already had the whole thing figured out. "Well, it looks as though you don't need me at all. If you don't mind, I'm off for a spot of tennis." Arthur said. Sometimes, when dealing with one's silly sister, one needs to be firm. "I'll see you at lunch."

"Ok. Have fun. Do you remember how to hold a racket?" Morgana teased.

"Don't be silly."

"Right ho." She grinned.

"Very good, dear sister." Arthur said, feeling as though he sounded a lot like Merlin.


End file.
